We came,
We saw.
We loved.
Today we should celebrate our 4month anniversary. We've known each other and loved for all these weeks, 16 to be exact.
Instead, I'm trying to get her back.
We let everything die - the trust, the joy in talking, the time we dedicated to each other. Yet, we still love each other, dearly. I love all the worlds inside of her and it feels like I know a different Ella everyday. A strong one, a stubborn one, even an Ella that sometimes gives up everthing. So much to see and to love - yes, to love, even these defects that I can now see. They are lovely and they make the person I love who she is. Everyday she can recreate herself and I'll still follow her blue eyes, her freckles, her rather cracked voice.
And that's how I know I'm in love for the first time. Because I never felt like such small parts of someone would mean so much.
What I wish I knew before was that love isn't enough to fight wars, you need more than that. But I'm willing to find what we need in order to win those wars. I couldn't have possibly spent all those weeks talking nonsense and not actually doing something. Yes, I fell. I couldn't take the distance anymore, mainly because the connection we had was getting colder. But I stood up, again. I don't want my rational side to win (since he obviously tells me that all this is wrong), I want my heart to win, for once. Because I never loved someone as I love her and in 1month or so I'll be 21. 21 years and all I did was being a heartbreaker. I left people without saying goodbye, I wasn't nice to them. They were talking bodies and I couldn't believe I would actually find someone. Too good for me. Too nice for someone like me. People like me weren't supposed to find anything other than lust.
Yet I found her and God is right, everyone has a chance. And yes, we are rational, we think a lot and we've said already that this is hard and that maybe this isn't the time and place for us.
We moved mountains to be together, are we going to quit because someone said there are time and places for love?
Fuck that.
I want to create my own time and space. Since we created our love and world, why not?
